


oxygen to me

by jul1e



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Feelings, M/M, Relationship(s), Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:56:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25333519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jul1e/pseuds/jul1e
Summary: and sehun chokes on baekhyun`s pain.it's like an ocean of viscous self-loathing that goes up to the throat and cuts off the way back.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Oh Sehun





	oxygen to me

— your books have this fucking «happy end», — sehun grins and runs his fingertips along the other`s neck. — i wonder if you`ve read the original of any of them?

he notice how noisy gulp of baekhyun, and prepared with him to disintegrate into atoms.

— all of them, baek, — he nods to himself, looking down at the wet pavement. — each of the last pages is full of pain. you were deceived.

«as i`m now deceiving», — sehun doesn`t finish. 

— and we, unfortunately, are now in this original. 

baekhyun walking backwards and then returns immediately. he clings to sehun`s shirt and scratches the skin with its nails. sehun seems to hear him whimpering.

«it`s just not love at all, is it? attachment only. i can do without him for a day, two days, or a lifetime», — sehun had told himself over the past two weeks, sitting in his room, where the wallpaper was stripped and everything was piled on the floor, — «he`s not like me, and i`m not like him. and all these stories about opposites being attracted — complete bullshit. i was afraid i would break him and found myself broken. i`m sorry, baekhyun, that i'm such an asshole. i`m sorry that scared».

— sehun, — baekhyun says, reaching for face, as if fingers don't burn at all. — we can handle everything as before. always able. together.

— we could, — he covers the other's hand with his own, — but we can`t anymore. i can`t. 

«weak, i know».

baekhyun has wheat-colored hair and pink cheeks. he has an incredible smile. his laughter is sehun`s only weakness. and was the only hope. 

sehun liked to hug him from behind and whisper in his ear that in any form, baekhyun — the most beautiful in the universe. 

and now poured out of his mouth the acid, that flows directly into the baekhyun`s ears, and sehun already knows that will pay for it for the rest of his life.

— i love you, — baekhyun says, forcing a smile and wiping a tear from his cheek. — i`ve told you this many times, but every second i love you more, you know? can you feel how hard my heart is beating? — puts sehun`s hand on his chest and exhales. — no? me too, `cause it stopped. you stopped him with your words. 

— baek, i.. — sehun clenches his jaw and looks into his eyes. 

— shut your mouth already. i know you don`t. 

sehun grabs his throat and almost falls to his knees, `cause the inside of his throat cuts so sharply that it`s impossible to bear it alone. he tries to see the feelings behind the veil of his eyes in the baekhyun`s pupils, that are too black today, but the only thing he can see — is pain.

and sehun chokes on this pain. 

it's like an ocean of viscous self-loathing that goes up to the throat and cuts off the way back. 

he makes himself responsible for the fact that baekhyun is crying. 

crying `cause his (ex)boyfriend is a wimp. 

sehun apologizes thousands of times, hugs for an unacceptable long time, promises that baekhyun will become the happiest person, apologizes again, kisses his tears and.. understands that only in his head.

still standing in front of him, he opens mouth again and again, intending to say something and realizes that no words will be enough to muffle the explosion inside baekhyun to even for a second.

— find someone who will be your oxygen, sehun, — hoarsely utters baekhyun and turns his back. — like you were oxygen to me.

blood vessels burst in his eyes one after another, he clenches fists under wide sleeves and wants to scream, so that everyone can hear him.

sehun falls and looks through him. he laughs nervously, wipes hands on the asphalt so that blood appears and a hundred times mentally crosses out the only name, that immediately appears on an even larger scale.

and at this moment sehun realizes, that he personally put a fat point in their one-for-two life, and now nothing will be able to erase it.

screwed up again. this time for good.

«and i`m silent, so as not to be the one who realized, when it was too late.

consider me still not a millimeter into you.

i`m not in love with you at all.»


End file.
